Jeff Goldblum is my Reed Richards

I have put waaay too much thought into this. So, if you would like to witness some rampant geekery, please CONTINUE READING.

I went ahead and saw the most recent Fantastic Four movie. It wasn’t as bad as the reviews said it was. It was bad enough though that I left the theatre with the sad, sick feeling that I would never see the FF movies that I would really like to see. After that – I couldn’t help myself – I sank into a daydream and came back with this: My pitch for a trilogy of Fantastic Four movies.

FANTASTIC FOUR: THE NEGATIVE ZONE

Synopsis: A science experiment exposes four adventurers to a parallel universe of extraterrestrial shape shifters.

Plot Points:
• A journey to the Negative Zone gives superhuman powers to Reed Richards, Sue Storm, Johnny Storm and Ben Grimm. It also allows shapeshifting Skrulls to infiltrate our world.
• A Skrull scout impersonates Reed and other people to gather information about Earth.
• After being discovered, the Skrull fights its way back to its universe by mimicking the new powers of the Fantastic Four.
• The climax is a “None Shall Pass” conflict at the gateway between worlds. The newly formed Fantastic Four versus the Skrull leader, Annihilus, and its “Annihilation Wave.”

FANTASTIC FOUR: THE FUTURE FOUNDATION

Synopsis: Dr. Reed Richards is recruited away from the Fantastic Four by a council of other Reed Richardses from parallel universes.

Plot Points:
• We are introduced to the FF’s Future Foundation, a scifi think tank of floating robots, alien life, unlikely geniuses, and their out of this world inventions. The foundation’s stated goal is to “Solve Everything.”
• Victor Von Doom is a founding member.
• Reed becomes increasingly withdrawn and hostile as he works on a private project. He eventually disappears into another plane of existence where he is courted by dozens of different versions of himself. In order to “Solve Everything,” they say he must abandon his world to join them in “greater pursuits.”
• Sue, Johnny, and Ben go looking for Reed in “Reed World” but they are chased back to Earth by ruthless versions of their friend.
• The climax is a battle for the soul of Reed Richards between the FF (including a heroic Victor Von Doom) and an army of infinite Reeds.
• The conflict between our Reed and our Dr. Doom is established for future films when Victor sees Reed’s potential for evil.
• The threequel is set up by the other Reeds’ references to greater dangers than the Future Foundation can imagine.

FANTASTIC FOUR: GALACTUS

Synopsis: Can the Fantastic Four save the universe from an extradimensional eater of worlds?

Plot points:
• Since before the beginning of our universe, an extradimensional creature has been consuming entire worlds. One of those planets manages to launch a warning device before it is destroyed.
• Thousands of years later, the silver device takes a humanoid shape as it approaches Earth.
• Its psychic warning -excruciating visions of despair and destruction- is perceived as an alien attack.
• Once they decipher the message, Reed and Doom – now rivals – come to blows over how to defeat Galactus. Doom absconds with the “Silver Surfer.”
• When Galactus arrives, it is incomprehensible to human senses. The point is made that, although Galactus looks like a Godzilla sized man in purple armor, that is only our minds’ attempts to make sense of it. This point is emphasized by frequent distortions to Galactus’s appearance including rainbow trails when he moves, multiplying and disappearing limbs, and an occasionally cubist perspective on the creature and its ship. Black hole spheres and explosions of energy floating around Galactus would pay homage to the signature energy bursts drawn by Jack Kirby.
• Consuming the world takes weeks during which Galactus proves oblivious to human intervention. People go crazy, commit suicide, worship Galactus etc.
• Doctor Doom absorbs the Silver Silver’s powers, but he is subdued by one of the giant parasitic creatures that inhabits Galactus’s M.C.Escher like ship.
• The combined minds of the Future Foundation conclude that Galactus cannot be destroyed. It may be scared away though if, like a bee, the Fantastic Four can “sting” Galactus badly enough.
• The gentle giant, Ben Grimm, sacrifices his life to deliver the technological “sting” that ultimately saves the world.
• The FF launch the rebuilt Silver Surfer with instructions for how other worlds can protect themselves as well.

With all of that in mind, wouldn’t you gladly pay $12 to see the star of Jurassic Park and The Fly flex his stretchy superpowers?

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